Doctors

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians.

Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year

On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

She is numb from her toes down.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

… Author unknown