Limericks

A maiden at college, Miss Keyes,
Weighed down by B.A.’s and M.D.’s,
Collapsed from the strain,
Said her doctor, “It’s plain
You are killing yourself-by degrees!”

There once was a student named Dresser,
Whose knowledge got lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all;
And now he’s a college professor!

A cheese that was aged and gray
Was walking and talking one day.
Said the cheese, “Kindly note
My mamma was a goat
And I’m made out of curds…by the whey!

To manage to keep up a brain
Is no easy job, it is plain;
That’s why a great many
Don’t ever use any,
Thus avoiding the care and the strain!

A puppy whose hair was so flowing
There really was no way of knowing
Which end was his head,
Once stopped me and said,
“Please, sir, am I coming or going?”

There once were some learned MD’s
Who found a new kind of disease.
They bottled and hawked it,
And then they uncorked it
So thousands could catch it with ease.

“There is”, said an envious ermine,
“One thing I just cannot determine;
When some girl wears my coat,
She’s a person of note;
When I wear it, they call me vermin!

And last, but not least, some therapeutic advice from the avian kingdom:

There were three little birds in a wood,
Who always sang hymns when they could.
What the words were about
They could never make out,
But they felt it was doing them good!

… Author unknown