Mormon Census Form

1. _____________________ (Given name)

2. _____________________ (Surname)

3. Descendant of:

A. Adam and Eve _____

B. Cain and Abel _____

C. Laman and Lemuel _____

D. Laurel and Hardy _____

4. Tribe: _____________________

5. Number of occupants in home:

(Categories listed in chronological order)

A. Nursery _____

B. Junior Primary _____

C. Senior Primary _____

D. Young Women’s _____

E. Young Men’s _____

F. Relief Society _____

G. Elder _____

H. Dearly Departed _____

I. High Priest _____

6. Occupation:

A. Amway dealer _____

B. Shaklee dealer _____

C. Nonie juice dealer _____

D. NuSkin dealer _____

E. Melaleuca dealer _____

7. Automobile:

A. Station Wagon _____

B. Van _____

C. Suburban _____

D. School Bus _____

E. Double Decker _____

8. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday:

A. Chuck-A-Rama _____

B. Hometown Buffet _____

C. Sumo Sam’s All You Can Eat Feeding Trough _____

9. Favorite Hero:

A. Nephi _____

B. Abinadi _____

C. Samuel the Lamanite _____

D. Steve Young _____

E. Johnny Lingo _____

10. Which of the following do you bring to church:

A. Scriptures _____

B. Daytimer _____

C. Pen/Pencil _____

D. Lifesavers _____

E. Tic Tacs _____

F. Game Boy _____

G. Big Gulp _____

H. Cooler _____

I. Sony Walkman _____

J. TV Watch _____

K. All of the above _____

11. Do you prepare your lessons:

A. A month in advance _____

B. A week in advance _____

C. While in the bathtub _____

D. While on the toilet _____

E. During Sacrament Meeting _____

F. During the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting _____

G. During the opening prayer of the class you’re teaching _____

H. Just wing it _____

12. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with

Big Gulp holders: yes___ no ___

13. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting:

A. 10-20 years _____

B. 20-30 years _____

C. 30-40 years _____

D. Over 3 generations _____

14. How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high council talk:

A. 1/100,000,000th of a second _____

B. 1/999,999,999th of a second _____

C. 1/999,999,998th of a second _____

15. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching:

A. 31st ______

B. 31st ______

C. 31st ______

D. 31st ______

16. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:

A. 1-10 _____

B. 10-20 _____

C. 20-30 _____

D. You’ll have to ask my lawyer _____

17. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:

A. Arguing about getting along _____

B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner _____

C. Gathering around the television to watch, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” _____

18. How many times a year do you make:

A. Jello salad _____

B. Funeral potatoes _____

C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad _____

D. Turkey, cashews and grape-stuffed croissants _____

19. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own:

A. 1-2 thousand _____

B. 2-3 thousand _____

C. 3-4 thousand _____

D. Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake _____

20. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:

A. Alcatraz _____

B. Fort Knox _____

C. Ward Libraries _____

21. How many aerodynamic, mechanical and structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you’ll win the pinewood derby: _________

22. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:

A. Chocolate:_____ pounds daily X 365 days annually = ____

B. Cola: _____ gallons daily X 365 days annually = ____

23. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming or attending a BYU/UofU football game, which would you choose?

A. Second Coming _____

B. Football game _____

… Author unknown