Two New Additions to the Periodic Table of Elements

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: Don’t even go there.
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at anytime. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.
Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. Extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful wealth-reducing agent known.
Caution: Unstable and highly explosive in inexperienced hands.


Element Name: MAN
Atomic Weight: 180+/- 50 lb.
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it gets.  Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time.
Usage: None proven. Possibly a good methane source. Some specimens are able to produce large quantities of methane on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

… Author unknown


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